Caffeinate, Create, Sleep, Repeat.

010 – The Obscurity Within


Hitting the shower after that long night in the office sure feels great. I can’t believe that I’ll be spending the rest of my life doing this kind of work. The long hours, the sleepless nights, the unappreciated gargantuan amount of work. The only perk I get from this is seeing her once in a while.

My God, she smells so good…

I can still feel the way how she holds me. Like a lover. A fantasy turning real. How can I not fall into a deep state of intoxication? How can I not let myself believe that everything about her and me is meant to be? How can God let me taste this if it’s something I cannot have. I think I’ve completely fallen for her. I think I can honestly say that I love her. I can’t help but imagine that the water flowing from my head down to my body is her soft gentle hands. My lips yearn more for hers. I can’t believe I’m in love. No… not again. Please. I can’t be throwing myself utterly at women like this. They’re conniving, devious, deadly…

Seriously I can’t have another heartbreak. My heart and my mind won’t be able to take another beating. Maybe it’s time to take another pill.

I look at myself in in the foggy mirror. I fail to see the word “SUCKER” on my forehead that I think women practically see. I’m such a fool for relationships, maybe because I haven’t had one that worked. Maybe because I’m still bitter from the last time. I should have ended this a long time ago.

People look up to me for being the best at what I do. Solving other people’s problems, making their lives easier. But when it comes to my own problems I’m just as f*cked-up as they are, even worse. I am so dependent on anti-depressants, I’m taking them like breath mints. Maybe I shouldn’t be too trusting. Specially to her, she’s exactly the type of woman who can shatter my heart.

But she seem so sweet. So Innocent. Like a lost little angel, waiting for her prince to make everything alright. To take care of her. To completely love her with every ounce of my blood, with each corner of my heart. Like I could completely surrender everything I have for her. Utterly concede to her sublimeness, her purity, her wonderful dreamland from which I am seduced into. I don’t even know her that much.

I’m thinking too much… way too much.
I guess it’s time to take my happy-pill.

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